Happiness is a choice

Happiness is a choice

When I was younger 20 years back, I used to believe that if I could secure a good job my life would be set, soon before my marriage I had let myself think that I would be happily married ever after. Then later, as life progressed, I imagined that I would be too happy if my children excelled at school. After some years I thought if I could lose some weight, I wouldn’t want anything else from life. Now in my later years, I felt I would be very happy if I could feel more energetic, look younger, and would be able to take care of my back pain. Achieving all or some of these things made me happy for some duration, but I fell back again. There was always something else to look. It wasn’t lasting happiness.

I don’t think that this phenomenon is unique to me. You also might have had similar experiences at whatever stage you are in your life.

For a long time, I have been interested in “Happiness” as a subject and so did a lot of research on it and am still researching it. In almost every nation, across different cultures, people put happiness at the top of their lists of the things they want in their life. I train officers on several topics, including government rules and soft skills.  I also teach stress management and meditation. I have taken training in the Shri Shri Ravishankar’s Art of Living course.

Recently I studied an eight week’s course on “A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment” from the Indian School of Business. I read several books by the researcher and leading authors who have put in a lot of effort and their time in this field.

A lot of work has been done in the past one and a half-decade in the field of Positive Psychology, which is the scientific study of what enables individuals to thrive and increase their levels of happiness.

I discovered that Happiness is a matter of choice and can be enhanced.  Yes! You can choose to be happy! Whatever be your circumstances or your genetic makeup.

What do you think would make you happier? Take a moment to consider. Might it be:

·        A relationship?

·        More flexibility at work?

·        A new job that better provides for you and your family?

·        Some extension to your existing house or maybe a bigger house?

·        A more attentive spouse?

·        A baby?

·        Are you looking younger?

·        Relief from your lousy back or sour knees?

·        Are you losing weight?

·        Your child excelling at school?

·        Is it to know what you want to do with your life?

·        More supportive, loving parents?

·        Cure from a chronic illness or disability?

·        More money?

·        More time?

These things might bring you happiness but only for some time. None of these things will make you substantially happier. Does it mean that the finding lasting happiness is unrealistic or unreasonable? You’ll be surprised to know that it is possible to find lasting happiness that endures throughout life. People have already been able to achieve it and if they can do it, so can you!

The only catch is we are looking for happiness at the wrong places.

Scientific research shows—that things or events listed above make only a small difference in our overall happiness and that too for a short time, while we overlook the real sources of personal satisfaction and well-being which is within us and not outside.

We all have a happiness baseline, which is our general long-term happiness. There exists a 'hedonic set point' that may go up or down during specific periods of life but generally remains constant. We may be happier for some time but will return to the base level after some time.  We may also be sad for some time but then again come to the same level of happiness after some time.

Dr. Happiness aka Prof. Ed Diener, a professor of Psychology at the University of Utah and the University of Virginia who has spent 30 years in research has revealed that even after such drastic life changes such as winning the lottery and being paralyzed, happiness will eventually return to the baseline. Professor Ed Diener has been one of the leading pioneers in scientific research on happiness for the past twenty-five years. Indeed, he has been nicknamed “Dr. Happiness” based on the sheer volume and depth of his body of work. Many of the research protocols currently used by positive psychologists, such as the Satisfaction with Life Scale, were developed by Diener. He is chiefly responsible for coining and conceptualizing the aspect of happiness, which can be empirically measured—“Subjective Well Being” (SWB). His latest book is Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth.

Then, if we keep going up and down our set point, what determines Happiness?

Sonja Lyubomirsky a Professor of Psychology in California University and the author of the book the “The How of Happiness” mentions that our happiness is determined 50% by the Setpoint that is the genetic makeup, only 10% by the circumstances that we are in and 40% by intentional activities. The Pie chart below depicts it better:

It means half of your level of happiness is fixed. You’re either lucky to have “happy genes” or unlucky to have “unhappy genes.” There’s nothing you can do about it.

·        Your life circumstances—whether you’re rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, married or divorced, beautiful or plain, driving a new or an old car—only account for a measly 10% of your happiness. That is why some kids in slums can be just as happy as grumpy millionaires. “Stuff” and other circumstances don’t have much of an impact on happiness.

·        Intentional activity (40%). Intentional activity refers to our behavior: what we do and how we think. As far as boosting our happiness goes, this has a great impact. Why? Because it makes up a whopping 40% of our happiness. Plus isn’t our behavior much easier to change than our circumstances?

Happier people are different. They engage in more behaviors that boost happiness, such as spending time with their family, practicing optimism, exercising regularly, savoring life’s pleasures, living in the present moment, or expressing gratitude for what they have.

What intentional activities can we undertake?

Sonja Lyubomirsky and other authors mention 12 such activities which I have listed below. But here I am going to discuss only a few.

1. Express gratitude for what you have. Count your blessings. Don’t ignore them. Make it a daily habit of starting your day with thanking the god, universe, or the life for what it has given you.

2. Do acts of altruism or kindness. When psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky had students perform five acts of kindness of their choosing per week for six weeks, they reported a significant increase in their levels of happiness relative to a control group of students who didn’t. Kindness helps to raise our self-esteem and also gives us a sense of purpose and doing something valuable in life.

3. Break the Habits of Overthinking and Rumination

We human beings are different from animals in several ways, but one is more striking. We can think about the future and of course also about the past. Unfortunately, most of the thinking that we do is negative. Negative thoughts attract more negative thoughts. One negative thought triggers a stream of other negative feelings.

There are two ways to overcome the habit of overthinking and negative thinking-

·         When you start negative thought, it is like seeing images or a movie on a TV channel. You need to change the channel as you do on TV if you do not like a program. Instead of letting one lousy thought or event escalate into hours of rumination, redirect your full attention somewhere else—engage in physical exercise, read a captivating book, watch a funny video, or meet a friend. Anything that fully absorbs your attention will do the trick.

·        Writing down your ruminations into words helps you organize them, make sense of them, and discover a pattern you weren’t aware of before. It enables you to unburden yourself from negative thoughts, allowing you to move past them.

4. Practice mindfulness

A series of studies conducted at the University of Rochester focused on people ‘high in mindfulness’ are more likely to be happy, optimistic, self-confident and satisfied with their lives, and less likely to be depressed, angry, anxious, hostile, self-conscious, impulsive or neurotic. They experience frequent and intense positive emotions, to feel self-sufficient, competent, and to have positive social relationships, while those who are not usually mindful report more illness and physical symptoms.

There are two ways of practicing mindfulness: formal and informal.

Formal practice is what we call meditation. You take time out of your day to focus on an object of concentration (e.g., your breath) and bring your mind back to that object every time you get distracted and are lost in thinking.

Informal practice doesn’t require taking any time out of your day. Instead, you do whatever you’re currently doing mindfully. We call this mindful eating, mindful cooking, mindful showering, or careful commuting. Whatever you do, you give your full attention to it. When you get lost in thought, you bring your attention back to the task at hand. That’s easier said than done, but that’s the gist of it.

Here is the list of activities that authors claim can boost your happiness

The 12 Happiness Activities

·        Expressing Gratitude

·        Cultivating Optimism

·        Avoiding Overthinking and Social Comparison

·        Practicing Acts of Kindness

·        Nurturing Social Relationships

·        Developing Strategies for Coping

·        Learning to Forgive

·        Increasing Flow Experiences

·        Savoring Life’s Joys

·        Committing to Your Goals

·        Practicing Religion and Spirituality

·        Taking Care of Your Body (Meditation, Physical Activity, Acting Like a Happy Person)

So, friends becoming lastingly happier demands making some permanent changes that require effort and commitment every day of your life. Consciously doing these things or this ‘happiness work’ may be the most rewarding work you’ll ever do.